I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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