He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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