All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
