i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
