are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My ATM looks so different sober.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Randomize
