wakey wakey hands off snakey
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
the raccoons are back...
Randomize