Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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