Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
