I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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