I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
