he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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