I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
