he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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