Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
