My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize