she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So squirting runs in the family.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
