I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
