Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
