I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
