Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
