We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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