Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
