Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
