I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
