You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
