Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm at about main and main street
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
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