I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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