it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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