did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
