im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
