I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
