I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
