Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
