the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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