Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
