Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
