she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
