Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
