Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
