Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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