I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
