Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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