I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
