Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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