You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
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I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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