She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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