tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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