Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
