After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
