We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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