so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
