i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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