I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize