Barsexuality is the new black.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
