you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
