Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
