Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
