I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
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But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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