Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
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In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
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He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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