Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
