But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
