please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize