Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
