Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
