I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
