that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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