i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
