He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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