I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
