I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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