I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
