He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
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We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
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I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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