i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
