she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
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porn star boner night. come get it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
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So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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