Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
