Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
