i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
