i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
