We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
