Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
