it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
