The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
