I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
