isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
