i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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